One of the nice things about life after raising kids is the slower pace we can now operate at. When the crazy pace kept during the childrearing years--shuttling multiple kids to an insane number destinations or juggling work demands with family demands-- has ended, a sort of quiet peace settles in. Nature’s time clock embeds adults with certain biological powers that provide the fuel for multi-tasking on ‘roids when we are in our 30s and 40s, then gracefully slows us down so we don’t melt down in our 50s.
One of the wonderful benefits of this phase of life has been the ability to enjoy a nice, slow paced lunch with my girlfriends. What a blessing it is to be able to enjoy a couple of (ok, sometimes 3 or 4) hours devoted to nothing else but reconnecting with the ladies who have become so important to me over the decades. True, time is still at a premium, imposing limits on these little outings with each friend to maybe a couple per year. That doesn’t matter. Having the hard won luxury of finally being able to just focus on catching up with each other feels wonderful, no matter how seldom we can pull it off.
As my friends and I worked our way through our 50s all sorts of challenges have risen up in our lives. Not a one of us has been left unscathed by life’s potholes. I prefer having lunch with just one friend at a time, allowing for truly honest and open conversation, and tears sometimes do flow. These meetings take on more significance as we march toward and into our next decade, as life’s problems seem to become more serious, and these friendships become more indispensible. Let’s face it; we need our friends as we navigate the ups and downs of life.
The richness of friendship is always enhanced by these occasional lunches. Walking out of the restaurant with our leftovers in hand, we part with a sense of gratitude that we have each other for perpetuity. These lunch meetings are not about small talk. Not even! They are about honesty and truth, humility and kindness. We have walked with each other through some very, very difficult events—illnesses, divorce, loss of loved ones, disappointments, job loss, financial devastation—you name it and we have consoled, hugged, cried right along with each other through them all.
I cannot fathom life without my girlfriends. I am an open, honest person who wears her heart on her sleeve, and so are they. There is no pretense, no one-upsmanship, no bragging. There is only sincerity for one another’s wellbeing and happiness, period. We counsel each other when big, difficult decisions loom. We share information that can be helpful or interesting to the other. We cheer each other on when important milestones are reached or goals are realized. In real friendship there is no room for ego or pride.
Lunching with the ladies is about life. Today I had lunch with one of my friends who is battling cancer, as I have a few friends engaged in this difficult fight. When the possibility of losing a close friend looms, these lunches take on even more meaning. There is a poignancy that underlies the chit chatting, the chuckles, and the chips and salsa. I drove away saying an extra prayer for her, and thanked God for placing her in my life for the past 24 years. Yes, I truly cherish my beloved friends, and what’s great about friendship is knowing without a doubt that they, too, cherish me.